puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
