the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
