Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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