Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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