as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
