Three words: puerto rican gang bang
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So vagazzling was a success
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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