apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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