Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
