WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
