I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
