She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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