I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
