my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
