You're completely useless in the revolution.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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