I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
