margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize