need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just cropdusted the office
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
