i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
