Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
