I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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