you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
