she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
