If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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