so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
