Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
as a side note pls kill me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
