I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
