I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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