When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
