fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
