I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
