p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
