It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
