this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
