is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
