I am in a vortex of obligation.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
