Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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