U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
