I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
