The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
