I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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