I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
