so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
