Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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