What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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