i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
