can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
