You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
