i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
