The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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