Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
