I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
