Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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