I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
