Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
