everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize