No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
