dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
