Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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