i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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