So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
