that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
