I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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