We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
soo... how was my night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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