Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
