Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
