i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
