I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
