I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize