I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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