Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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