Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
