Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
