Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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