yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
