I looked at my own cervix.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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