Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize