my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
