somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
