Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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