it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
