umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
