Soap is not a condiment
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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