She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
