Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize