I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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