it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
