He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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