Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
