Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
