You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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