This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
