my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize