so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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