i permit you to call me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
